Just to make sure you get your week. good luck---Tom

Hang in there. Finding love I have been told once is like Looking for eggs in the hen house with out a flash light, in the dark and bare foot...Sooner or later after steping in the bad stuff you get what you want.

True....it seems what you have gone through is EXACTLY what I have gone through with my ex-husband.

I don't have any regrets either and I am finally over being angry and hurt. I was desperately scared to be on my own as well but I can say now that I love it even though it is hard financially.

Sometimes the lonliness does get to be overwhelming for me but that's when I go visit my family or a friend. I know that there is someone out there for me...and some day I will find him.

You ar  more...

True....it seems what you have gone through is EXACTLY what I have gone through with my ex-husband.

I don't have any regrets either and I am finally over being angry and hurt. I was desperately scared to be on my own as well but I can say now that I love it even though it is hard financially.

Sometimes the lonliness does get to be overwhelming for me but that's when I go visit my family or a friend. I know that there is someone out there for me...and some day I will find him.

You are a great person and I know you will find someone as well who will treat you as you deserve to be treated!

Good luck!

Kris less...

Quoting: Originally posted by truefriendinme Awww...com ON, guys!! Two more comments and I get a free week! I put alot of effort into this one! ;) --True

Oh! Well if THAT is all you wanted, here's another one for ya. LOL ;)

Quoting: Originally posted by truefriendinme I think I have rounded a corner, guys (and gals). I have come to the realization that I am going to continue to live my life just as I am. I will continue to try to be the best me I can. I will co...

Your paths have already been crossed True, crossed up ahead. All you need to do, is keep on walking, with your head held high...until you bump into him.
He's out there True! x  more...

Quoting: Originally posted by truefriendinme I think I have rounded a corner, guys (and gals). I have come to the realization that I am going to continue to live my life just as I am. I will continue to try to be the best me I can. I will continue to keep my ears and eyes open, looking for love. And I will continue TO love. I will love myself. I will love my kids. I will love God. I will love my career. And I will love making a better place for us all to live in and share. And I hope to find a partner for all this one day-- because when I do, I will love wholly and completely. But, if I don't, I will not fear being alone. I think once you FEEL in your heart it's over, then all the rest doesn't matter. Once I opened my eyes and realized my ex just wasn't who I wanted to be with (for many and varying reasons), I just had to take a deep breath, prepare, and dive right in. I had never done this before, in this way, and it was the hardest thing I ever did. I doubted myself over and over again. I hated the way everything turned out for me, it has been a long (VERY long) hard road. But I KNEW in my heart that the marriage was toxic. Oh-- and over. (lol...) Once I left, I made sure I was true to myself and stuck to my convictions. Turns out, I was right. Throughout this whole process, there has been no "need" to go back for closure, or anything of the sort. I have no regrets for leaving the marriage. I only regret what has happened to my kids and the financial implications. That's it. I think people sometimes doubt themselves or their hearts. I think they let too much of the environment influence their decision making processes. I think they let fear play a starring role in their lives. That fear holds them back, makes them frightened of "what comes next". They are scared of change. They are scared of having to go through their lives alone, without someone to come home to at night and vent about the horrible day at work, or the big-rig truck that almost collided with them on the interstate or how their parents are sick and need home health. I was scared, too. I was scared "fecal-less"-- for lack of a better LF approved descriptor. But I did it anyway. And I am still doing it. Two years later. All by myself. I have had no one to REALLY share my true feelings with on a regular, day-to-day basis-- aside from a select group of people with whom I have chosen to talk to off and on. I have not had someone to hold or to hold me, no physical closeness or proximity. Of course that was the case before all this, too! I think about what the future might hold for me. And all the time, I think about if I will ever meet someone with whom I can trust with my heart. I am frustrated that my work schedule is such that I am essentially eliminated from the dating pool. I am financially strapped right now. And I fear that having three kids and a divorce decree will put me in the back of the line. But, make no mistake gentlemen: I may be timid and more accepting than most of your (minor) faults, but I have given up on being exceptionally nice and forgiving. I have decided I will not tolerate being cast aside? for work, for family? nothing. There are to be no exceptions. I have to be considered, thought of, appreciated, wanted and loved. I have not been in a true "relationship" -- at all-- since my separation/divorce. But, I have met on line, spoken to and emailed a few men. One or two, I even grew fond of. Then, for one reason or another, they decided to end the budding-whatever- you-choose-to call-it. I thought I was ok with that. I thought it didn't really hurt my feelings, and in a way, it didn't. But it did do one thing. I made me mad. I was angry for not even being given the chance. I was angry for not being considered. I was angry for being left behind because of the remote possibility that a flame might exist closer to home. Which just leads me(well, them, really...) right back to that one, all-consuming element in life: "fear". Fear of the unknown. It's three am here, and I'm going to bed. Alone. And for right now, that is ok. I am still enjoying the newness of the quiet and the novelty of my own space. But one day, I will wake up to the need to find love somewhere else. And I will then have in my life the one thing it has been missing since leaving my love-less marriage: Fear. I will then be frightened of only one thing: Missing the opportunity to love. Good night, all.--True

Your paths have already been crossed True, crossed up ahead. All you need to do, is keep on walking, with your head held high...until you bump into him.
He's out there True! x less...

You have been very strong throughout your whole ordeal true and I am so glad you have reached this point in your life where it looks like you have control over going forward. Your kids will and should be so proud of your strength, stay firm with your beliefs and hang tough.
Take care - I'm cheering for you.

True... it is so good to hear that you have turned that corner. I might suggest that you realize that your heart will be raw for a little while so don't rush into a relationship. I made that mistake and got married twice but they didn't last more than six months combined. Don't settle for somebody just so you won't be alone. When the time is right, you will meet him and you'll know it's right. I wish you only the best!

True

That corner is a very important one. Congrats.
Those corners don't often come up
Nice to know you chose the direction you wanted.

True - Its so good to hear you sounding so strong and confident. True, you have to admit that your divorce is taking far longer than most. Although I admire your desire to get back into the dating pool I always encourage people to wait until after their divorce is final to start dipping their toes back in the water. Although we feel a strong need for validation that we are still attractive in the midst of such desctruction, there is just too much turmoil going on while in the process and it can   more...

True - Its so good to hear you sounding so strong and confident. True, you have to admit that your divorce is taking far longer than most. Although I admire your desire to get back into the dating pool I always encourage people to wait until after their divorce is final to start dipping their toes back in the water. Although we feel a strong need for validation that we are still attractive in the midst of such desctruction, there is just too much turmoil going on while in the process and it can just get too messy. You wouldn't have had time to heal yet and you can't really move on until the decree is in your hands. So on that basis, it would be hard for a guy you might be getting to know to stick around and wait it out. But it sounds like now your healing is coming and you are ready to move on. This is good.

My divorce was final in 1995. I played around a little online and met one or two guys after that, but my kids were still young enough and they needed the stability of having ME home most nights. (My ex- never really exercised his visitation rights so I didn't get the time to myself most divorced women do.) I wasn't the wife my ex- wanted - he wanted Donna Reed with a job. Domestic goddess AND a 40 hour a week income. I couldn't do it all by myself and didn't measure up to his mom.

I spent the next 11 years focusing on being a mom and working and giving my kids as much stabilty and security as I could, just like I did when I was married, but without the added inconvenience of a husband. Of course, now I had to deal with the fact that my kids felt abandoned by their dad too. That meant added guilt on my part that I had to deal with as well.

And that also means I spent 11 years sleeping alone at night, and not getting those comforting hugs you've talked about and that was so damn hard. But I liked being able to make decisions ranging from simple to important without having to get his input. And I became pretty independent. I didn't want to be some man's household slave and primary means of support again. And I didn't think I would want to give up that autonomy again.

And I won't say I was a great mom either, cuz my kids will be glad to tell you every mistake I made along the way, but I did the best I could with what I knew. I took parenting classes, I attended every teacher conference, I knew all their friends, I remained open so they could communicate with me. But I still made mistakes - lots of them. And you can't protect your kids from everything.

But my point is when they were grown and didn't need me so much anymore is when I decided to explore what the world had in store for ME. And even then I still didn't think I'd ever want to give up my autonomy and I vowed I'd never get married again, and didn't even think I'd live with a man again.

But when fate intervenes and you meet the right person - the one lets you stay independent when you want to, but is also there to lean on when you need it - the one who doesn't want you to change one thing about yourself and thinks even the stuff YOU thought was bad about you ISN'T! - the one who doesn't mind that after 25 years of cooking dinner every night (which you never felt you were very good at anyway) you really don't feel like cooking anymore and is more than happy to cook for both of you ;) - the one who realizes you work hard too and is more than happy to do his share (or more) of the housework - the one who isn't focused on what you can do for him, but instead wants to take care of you and does everything in his power to make YOU happy - all those damn vows for independence go out the window. Once my priorities shifted from my kids to a life for me, it wasn't very long at all before I met the sweet sweet man that I will be marrying next year. The one who made all those vows go out the window. ;)

I'm not saying you should wait until your kids are grown to look for love. Many women are better at juggling all their roles than I am and you are probably one of them. I'm just saying that when the time is right for YOU is when you will find what you are looking for. Life is funny that way.

Until then - enjoy sleeping on BOTH sides of the bed, leaving those dirty dishes until morning if you feel like it, lighting candles just because, wearing your favorite ratty t-shirt to bed, and when you feel like it wearing something soft and silky JUST FOR YOU. Do all the things for YOU that you didn't do when you were married because you were too busy doing for him. And ENJOY them. Savor this time with your kids because as much as I'm glad mine are grown now, they DO grow up too soon. And when you need those hugs, hug your kids, hug your best friend. SHOOT! Hug ALL your friends! Hug your mom and dad if they're still around. No its not the same, but it still feels good. Hold onto and nurture your relationships with your girlfriends and use them as sounding boards when you need to vent. Get out and have fun now and then! And I promise, if you do all this, life WILL be good. less...

Girl.. I admire you. *hugs*

I have been going to bed alone every night for far to long, but the thing is I like it. Yes I long to have the companionship but right now I am also happy as I am. Still struggling to get through this divorce as tiring as it is.. I can't wait for that bit of paper to say that it is finally over.

Hi True, It's good to hear you say some of these things, loving your self is a good place to be. I know it's got to be tough to be going through a divorce and have these guys do that. There's not really a lot someone can say here but I am happy you rounded the corner. Good luck in all you do.---Tom