What you fail to realize
caughtoffguard is that a person in that type of relationship(Abusive) is also poor a mental state.Because the abuser tears down the (abusee's) self esteem till they cannot make a decision on their own.(the Abusers ultimate goal.)Their self esteem is the first victim.By destroying and controlling their self esteem(the Victims). The abuser controls every aspect of the victims life. Till a person's self esteem becomes very strong they will put up with the abuse ,beca  more...

What you fail to realize
caughtoffguard is that a person in that type of relationship(Abusive) is also poor a mental state.Because the abuser tears down the (abusee's) self esteem till they cannot make a decision on their own.(the Abusers ultimate goal.)Their self esteem is the first victim.By destroying and controlling their self esteem(the Victims). The abuser controls every aspect of the victims life. Till a person's self esteem becomes very strong they will put up with the abuse ,because they feel they may have deserved it , or they caused it and are are afraid of loosing the person ,or (s)he will change or, because they feel that No one else will want them. The goal is to build up the persons self esteem so that they will not put up with the abuse. less...

Oh man, that's some horrible stuff right there..

I wouldn't know what to do. And it's a good thing you let her stay with you! You're such a great person!

And I know it's being mean and all, but it's like if she wants that kind of relationship, then let it be? I mean, you need to convince her as much as possible, but what can you do if she KEEPS going back?

Do you tell her not to? Ask her why she keeps going back to him..

I do feel really sorry for her that she keeps putting up with  more...

Oh man, that's some horrible stuff right there..

I wouldn't know what to do. And it's a good thing you let her stay with you! You're such a great person!

And I know it's being mean and all, but it's like if she wants that kind of relationship, then let it be? I mean, you need to convince her as much as possible, but what can you do if she KEEPS going back?

Do you tell her not to? Ask her why she keeps going back to him..

I do feel really sorry for her that she keeps putting up with the bullshit lines. It happens to a lot of women without them even knowing it.. or denying it because someone "loves" them.

I hope she can realize soon!

Good luck less...

Wendy
First off you deserve the biggest hug possible
((((((((((((((Wendy)))))))))))))))

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We can all hear your pain and your heart breaking.

Giving of yourself is a gift that cannot be over valued.

The only advise I can offer you is 3 things.

First you need to sit down ands tell her you cannot stand by and watch her continually hurt herself. Tell her what you will do.

The very first thing is to put her in touch with a abuse center and hope to h  more...

Wendy
First off you deserve the biggest hug possible
((((((((((((((Wendy)))))))))))))))

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We can all hear your pain and your heart breaking.

Giving of yourself is a gift that cannot be over valued.

The only advise I can offer you is 3 things.

First you need to sit down ands tell her you cannot stand by and watch her continually hurt herself. Tell her what you will do.

The very first thing is to put her in touch with a abuse center and hope to have a councilor come see her or visa versa

The second thing I would do is get the police involved, if not immediately, for sure at the next time. Document everything you see, and hear.

This man is a predator and makes me physically ill. Please protect yourself and your loved ones. As much as you want to help her you can only do that by staying safe and creating the safe haven.

Does anyone out there know of organizations that help abused women in SC. If you do please let Wendy know.

God bless you Wendy. I will never ever forget this post. less...

It already sounds like you are doing an incredible job of being there for here - continue to do that - as long as you are safe as well - along with what all the others have mentioned with regards to pictures, detailing the instances for when she is ready to admit she is being abused. Protect her and yourself the best way you can - with information from those trained and your own instincts and advice of others. Take care !

Hi Wendy.
Photos! Take photos of your friend's bruises/wounds,and date mark them. You might need them for evidence later?
I know, and my sisters know this too, that if THEY were in a relationship, like the one your friend is in,I would be paying their 'man' a visit. And after i've paid him a visit, my 2 brothers would then pay (what's left of him) a visit too.
I took photos of a friend,for the Police, years ago, as she was always getting beat up by her drunk husband. They are no longer toget  more...

Hi Wendy.
Photos! Take photos of your friend's bruises/wounds,and date mark them. You might need them for evidence later?
I know, and my sisters know this too, that if THEY were in a relationship, like the one your friend is in,I would be paying their 'man' a visit. And after i've paid him a visit, my 2 brothers would then pay (what's left of him) a visit too.
I took photos of a friend,for the Police, years ago, as she was always getting beat up by her drunk husband. They are no longer together now, but the photos DID help her to press charges.
But watch out Wendy, because if he's determined to get to her, and she is still with you, you might get hurt also. x less...

well i think your right about not turning you back on her dont do that!! but you do need to tell her the truth what will happenes if she stays with him and bring the reality to her that it will happen unless she gets out. love is blind but she has to know better than to let a man beat on her like he obvesly is......CALL MAURY (( lol ))

Be there for her. Next time you see a bruise on her you call the Womens abuse hot line or the Domestic Abuse hot line or what ever hot line there is to report the abuse. If necessary call the law enforcement office closest to her home and report it! If you know the address of her parents get them involved also.

Try to get her to call an abuse hotline or go to a women's shelter. If she won't do it, YOU call and ask them for advice.

Wendy, all you can do, is what you have already done. You cannot MAKE someone stay away from an abuser. You are all to aware of the effects of pysical and emotional abuse. You know how the abused often sympathize, empathize, and even protect their abusers. You cannot do anything more than provide her with a safe place to turn to, referrals for a safe haven, and an ear. Unless she is willing to press charges herself, you know that the police will only talk to her, which might or might not ta  more...

Wendy, all you can do, is what you have already done. You cannot MAKE someone stay away from an abuser. You are all to aware of the effects of pysical and emotional abuse. You know how the abused often sympathize, empathize, and even protect their abusers. You cannot do anything more than provide her with a safe place to turn to, referrals for a safe haven, and an ear. Unless she is willing to press charges herself, you know that the police will only talk to her, which might or might not take place near her "friend", which might or might not enrage him.

I would suggest you document all signs of abuse that you see--keep a diary. Document anything she says to you that indicates abuse, fear of being abused or retaliation for her getting help. Keep giving her the information she needs to get out.
Eventually, she will use it. If not, we all know what will happen. Once you can establish a pattern of behavior, or a sequence of abuse instances, this might suffice as enough evidence to have him arrested. Talk to the local police to find out what is needed, in absence of her testimony. **If he continues to harrass you, you can file a restraining order against him, thereby not only protecting yourself, but her at work.

If you are successful in convincing her that she needs to get out, these are some important things she should get before leaving:

1) copies of all important documents (birth certifs, all financials, insurances, titles, deeds, creditors, etc.)
2) cash
3) copies of all keys (car, safety deposit, etc)
4) pack a bag with needed toiletries, meds, clothes, etc.
5) have a list of phone numbers, help/crisis centers, family, etc.
6) INSTRUCT HER TO NOT TELL AND DO NOT TELL HER BOYFIREND THAT SHE IS DOING THESE THINGS; HE WILL TRY TO PREVENT HER LEAVING

__Best Wishes, and GOOD LUCK--True less...